anger??

it has been a weird day today and i really wish i could understand it....

i have been so angry...so irritable today...for no reason.

i don't like when i get this way...my poor son caught the brunt of it and all because he asked me for a ride to the movies...

i damn near bit his head off....

i hate when i put that look of hurt and confusion in his eyes...he truly deserves so much better...i often wonder if i have passed this horrible curse on to him...i am sure i have...i have him on a waiting list to get evaluated....God I pray I haven't done more to hurt him....he didn't choose to have me as a mother...and he certainly deserves to have someone better for a mom....

God I love him so much...

he will be leaving me soon...and i am scared...i worry about what will happen to him...will someone be there for him? will he be able to take care of himself? have i taught him well enough to survive in this world??

i wish he didn't feel the need to move so very far away....and i pray that he won't forget me...irrational feeling i know....but he hasn't exactly had the best life....and i am so scared what freedom will do to him...he is such a follower and so trusting of everyone....i am terrified i will lose him....

i suppose all i can do is hope...and pray...that he will be okay.....